It was early in the morning and I was on my way to work. I was in a particularly crummy mood (although I don't really remember why.) I stopped by the bank to get some cash and as I pulled out of the bank and up to the corner to make my turn, I noticed a homeless man. He was acting strange, flailing his arms around and shouting. He ran up to my truck erratically. Without hesitation, I rolled down the window, looked him straight in the eye and said, "Seriously? Why are you even here? Would the world miss you if you were gone? Get away from my truck! Just vanish and see if anyone notices!" I then drove away. As I got further down the street, I began to feel a tugging at my heart...and yet, decided to ignore it altogether. After all, I felt much more content to remain in my crummy mood.
A few minutes later, I pulled into my parking space at work, turned my truck off, and I heard a voice, clear as day (in my head) say, "I don't even know you right now!" And at that moment, I felt more ashamed than I can recall ever having felt in my entire life. It haunted me throughout the rest of the day and night. I couldn't think of anything else. Those words just kept ringing over and over...but I kept it to myself.
The next morning I woke up and there was still no other thought than: "I don't even know you right now!" I went into the bathroom and locked the door, fell to my knees, and began praying for forgiveness and that God would change my heart. I left the house that morning and drove down to the corner to look for the homeless man, but he wasn't there. I pulled into a parking lot and prayed again, asking for forgiveness and again praying that God would change my heart. I drove by that corner every day for the next 2 weeks. I never saw the homeless man again, but everyday I prayed the same prayer asking God's forgiveness and asking him to change my heart. I had never felt so ugly as I did that day, but I live with the faith that God forgives all sin, no matter how ugly or how severe. Needless to say, I haven't verbally attacked a homeless person since. But, more importantly, whenever I feel that I am going to knowingly sin, the memory of this encounter pops quickly into my head and I remember that praying before the sinful act is so much easier than grieving over it later.
My only other prayer regarding this situation was that this man would one day be in Heaven and that I could see him and have the opportunity to tell him that I am sorry. I continue to use my experience with him to remind me that no matter how bad something is that someone has done, it can be forgiven by God.
Colossians 2:13~When you were dead in your sins and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He made you alive together with Him, having forgiven us all our sins.
Psalm 51:10~Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Very powerful testimony, Randy! Thank you for sharing.
ReplyDeleteJeepers! You should feel guilty!
ReplyDelete